Depression.
When is it oppression of the self?
Bismillah. Alhumdulillah. Wa Salat Al al-Salam wa rasulullah. This is breakthrough coach, Zubair.
You can access the video series here.
Check this out: If you only do what you feel like doing then you won’t really change the way you are feeling. Let me repeat that.
If you only do what you feel like doing then you won’t really change the way you are feeling.
Let’s explain this with example. If you suggest a simple exercise or technique to someone who experiencing painful or suffering moods. So when we refer to painful moods, suffering moods, or moods of suffering, these are all moods that we do not want to experience for a long period of time. The reason that many of them would not do the basic ideas or basic techniques to get out of those moods is that they think, “I just don’t feel like doing it.” And that’s the whole point.
If you only do what you feel like doing then you won’t really change the way you are feeling. Yes, you may take a destructive route and do something that will make you numb. Or do something that will give you extreme pain or pleasure, quick gratification and things like that. But then you would eventually be back to the way you were feeling. This is not the case if you exit painful emotions via constructive behaviours.
What are these constructive behaviours?
These are the behaviours that we have been suggesting in previous episodes. We’ll suggests some of them in this episode and we’ll continue suggesting them in upcoming episodes as well.
First, as you start to notice a change in your moods or feelings towards an unwanted state, acknowledge it. I would recommend that you step out of the situation and think from a third person perspective. Let’s do some role playing, as if you are trying to help the person who is feeling depressed or experiencing something, a mood of suffering.
Imagine you are watching a replay of his or her life events. And you are watching or observing the conversation that took place during the last few hours for that person. Take a notice of which events caused the mood change to start.
Sometimes, you will realize that it started with going through social media feeds. You were comparing your life with the life of the people who were displaying their unusual circumstances. Displaying the glamour. DIsplaying the luxury and fun that they are having on social media.
It may be related to not getting enough social approval. Not getting enough likes, followership and things like that. It may be due to looking at people with better materialistic life of comfort and luxury instead of looking at all the bounties and comfort that you also enjoy.
It may be due a very narrow minded and selfish attitude to life.
Making it all about oneself. Acquiring praise, status, social likeness and so on. It may be all about taking and not about giving. That’s a big thing.
The more you make your life about contributions to others, the better you will become. The more powerful you will become. The more calm and productive you will become. As you start caring beyond yourself, the stronger you will become.
Many people think that they are not good enough and that is based on judgements from other people. They are comparing themselves with others without using balanced metrics
What do I mean by that?
Because somebody may have started already a mile ahead of you. And then you’re looking at it that “They are at a distance of 1.1 miles the next day,” while you’ve only traveled .5 miles. As an absolute, they are ahead of you. But if you really compare the amount of distance that you have travelled versus what they have travelled based on your own circumstances, you will realize that you have really come a long way.
As you start noticing these patterns you will find the secret behind what it is that leads you to these unwanted states and you will know what you need to do to avoid getting into those states in the first place. It may be avoiding certain types of people. Avoiding certain types of content. Changing your own values for being happy and satisfied. Going beyond yourself.
It may be someone behaving inappropriately and judging you or saying unjust words to you. Now, let’s speak of this thing of people being unjust to you or speaking unjust words to you. Giving you unjust comments and feedback. Will be sharing a key insight about this in our next episode so do not forget to listen.
Let me remind you of something very important. If you only do what you feel like doing, then you won’t change the way that you are feeling. The choice is yours and this is when depression may be becoming self oppression.
Consider this: how easy it was for you to be happy as a child. A small toy. A balloon. A cake slice. An ice cream cone. Things like that would cheer you up. How appreciative you used to be. We used to have more appreciation and less expectations. What we now have is huge amounts of expectoration a and very little amount of appreciation.
This is the key thing to realize; why are our expectations so high from others. So high from from the society.
If we trade our expectations for appreciation, life would change.
This is not to say to lower your own expectations of yourself. But it’s more about what we expect from other people. What we expect from life. What we expect from our environment.
Let me share something with you;
What if you can change things that you appreciate?
What if you can change things that you love and enjoy and want to have more of?
What if you changed them into something that would benefit you instead of that being how many people like me, how many people follow me, how many kind of social approval and likeness I have to something that is really beneficial. WHat if you can change that?
Would you try to do that?
What if I gave you a principal, a technique that is guaranteed to work? Would you apply it?
Check this out:
We have a report from the Messenger of Allah. It’s a report from the one who controls all happiness. There’s no happiness except that it is granted by him. There is no sadness or sorrow except that it is approved or granted or decreed by him.
Check this out:
It is report by the Messenger of Allah ﷺ that when a person is in distress and says, “Oh, Allah, I am your slave. I am your slave. THe son of your slave. The son of your female slave. My full log is in your hand. Your command over me is forever executed and your decree over me is just. I ask you by ever name belonging to you with which you named yourself, or revealed it in your book or you taught it to any of your creations or you have preserved it in the knowledge of the unseen with you, that you make the Qur’an the life of my heart. The light of my breast an end to my sorrows and a release from my anxiety.”
So the Prophet of Allah ﷺ is telling us, that somebody, anyone who is in distress, if he or she were to say that, then Allah will release him from all his worries and replace them with happiness instead.
They replied, the companions who were receiving their knowledge, “Shall we learn them?” He ﷺ said, “Everyone who hears this should learn it.”
Imagine how beautiful that is.
If you really reflect on these words, your mindset would really change. And you would realize the true nature of this life.
The person is acknowledging that he is, at the end of the day, not a master, but a slave. Yes, he has a long of free will. He has a lot of power. But at the end of the day, the power and control and the judgement and decree belongs to Allah.
He recognizes that. He acknowledges that. He knows that the one who in complete control is Allah (swt). At the same time he is also acknowledging, reminding himself, conditioning himself that the decree of Allah is just.
Whatever happens to him, whatever he receives from the society, whatever events happen to him, it;s not something unjust. It’s. Not something random.
And then he asks Allah by imploring him by asking him, by using all his beautiful names. The ones that he knows and the ones that he does not know that Allah make Qur’an, which is the speech of Allah, the words of Allah, he makes it the life of his heart. The light in his breast. And and end to his sorrows and a release from his anxiety.
So he’s asking Allah that Qur’an be made such that is curing him of all this distress, worries and anxiety and that it becomes something that he enjoys. Now imagine if Allah to do that, how easy you it be for that person to always be happy> To always be content? To always be passionate? To always be increasing? Imagine that. Now we know this, we have been reminded of this, let us ask ourselves is this something part of our daily routine?
If it it’s not, then is not our depression an act of self oppression?
I’ll repeat these words in Arabic:
These are some of the words that we can either memorize or we can read by looking at them. And the same time, understanding and reflecting on their meanings.
Now, finally, I would like to remind you to get involved in a bigger cause. A cause bigger than yourself. To serve the community. TO serve the mankind and so on.
Take a step by visiting someone who is sick, someone is in need. Bring a smile on their face and bring a relief to them. Let’s focus beyond ourselves.
Finally, people may ask, “We have been talking a lot about the dua, the power of dua.”
Key things to remember about it are;
It’s like a weapon. Depending on the one using it. How it is used. What it is used for. And how hard is the obstacle itself.
Just like any other weapon, you have to be focusing on yourself, your own strength, your belief and your reliance and your submission to Allah using the words and the dua properly with full conviction.WIth full strength and being consistent with it.
Being consistent with it until the obstacle is gone.
Until next time, we would to remind you of something that in the last few episodes we have been talking about all these unwanted and emotions of suffering.
In episode six we talked about the importance of giving the right meanings to our losses and we shared a very powerful metaphor which we called the escalator metaphor. Please check it out if you have not done that already.
In episode 7 we discussed top two reasons why people don’t take actions towards success. Check that out as well.
Until next time…
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Muslim Mastery Breakthroughs is our weekly podcast series in which we share insights on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationships, and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life in sha Allah.
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