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Why do some people not fulfill their promises?
A few weeks ago we were discussing how to optimize relationships by understanding different personality traits. In this episode we will share with you why some people don’t fulfill their promises and what does it have to with the trait of agreeableness.
Of course, we will also share ways to optimize relationships base on your understanding of people’s agreeableness levels.
In our spiritual section, we will discuss about invisible, angelic allies and what drives them away.
OPENING DUA
Alright, agreeableness. This trait describes how someone approaches cooperation and working with others. It also speaks to how empathetic and quick to forgive one is. And how much attention one pays to the mental states of others. Some, on the higher end of this are usually easy to get along with, are really empathetic and enjoy caring for others. They default to say yes when someone asks to do something. And this is really important. Their default mode is to say yes when somebody asks for help. Somebody on the lower end is more analytical, practical and skeptical and prefers to keep emotions out of decisions, have a harder time working in groups, can be suspicious of motives of others, defaults to saying no when someone asks to do something. ANd they can be seen as combative or challenging.
A highly, agreeable person might say yes to you r face buy may say no later on. They typically want to avoid confrontation and protect everyone’s feelings. They are hesitant to bring up the real issues on their mind. In dealing with them, make sure you provide them with sufficient opportunity and a safe space to express how they are truly feeling. Saying things like; ‘Are you sure you’re okay? I know this is awkward to talk about, but it is very important that I know how you are feeling. Tell me whatever is on your mind.” In a more professional setting, one can say; “I’m going to pause at the end of each section to get everyone’s thoughts. Trust me, you won’t offend me. Be sure to bring up all your concerns.”
At this stage, it’s best to get everything on the table.
You see how you are providing a specific moment where you are actually expecting feedback and obedience. If you know you are high in agreeableness, then we would encourage you to check out last week’s episode on why it is important to say no at times and how it helps you in the long run. We also discussed how to say no clearly and comfortably in that episode, so check it out.
When dealing with a person who is less agreeable, realize that he might be skeptical of your claims until they get their hands on evidence. Be prepare for tough questions when communicating with them. Be ready to present context, evidence and data with sufficient details.
Now, let’s move onto our spiritual section where we’re continuing to take amazing content from Ibn Qayyim’s book The Disease and the Cure.
One of the negative effects he mentions in that book around the negative effects of sins, is the withdrawal of our invisible allies.
What does that mean?!
This is referring to angels. Yes, Allah, the creator of the heavens and the earth has appointed angels to support and protect us. By disobeying the law, we are driving them away. Know that angels are the creation of Allah that do not disobey Allah at all. They do as they are commanded.
As we have been discussing, disobeying Allah has consequences that affects our relationship with Allah, his love for us and our love for him. It affects our hearts, and it’s inclination towards good or bad. It affects our emotions, our relations and our pursuit of our goals and our worldly success and possessions.
Let’s review some of the narrations about the sayings of the Messenger of Allah (saws) that Ibn Qayyim brings in his book The Disease and The Cure.
The Messenger of Allah (saws) has been reported to have said,
“When a man lies, the angel moves a mile from him due to the bad odour of what he has produced.”
The Messenger of Allah (saws) has been reported to have said.
“When a man lies, the angel moves a mile from him due to the bad odour of what he has produced.”
Also, if we go to the kitaab of Allah, the book of Allah (swt), we see a verse Allah (swt) says,
INSERT VERSE
Indeed, those who have said ‘Our lord is Allah,’ and then they remain steadfast, on them, the angels descend, saying ‘Do not fear and do not grieve. And receive the glad tidings of the paradise which you have been promised.’
INSERT VERSE
We angels, are your allies. In this dunya and in the hereafter. For you, there, is whatever your soul desires, and whatever you ask for and whatever you wish for.
This is confirming the fact that angels are allies of the believers. And they support and protect them.
Another narrations that Ibn Qayyim (ra) brings is that the Prophet of Allah (saws) has been reported to have said,
“Satan (Shaytan) exercises his influence upon the son of Adam as does an angel.”
Both of them are exercising influence. The influence of satan is that the promise of evil and denial of truth. And the influence of the angel is that he gives a promise of good and affirmation of truth.
So think about it, what kind of promises, what kind of future expectations are we living with?
Is it the one coming from an angel or the one coming from satan?
The Prophet of Allah (saws) is continuing to advise and he says , “Does he who perceives this, that is good promise, should praise Allah. But he who finds other it should seek refuge in Allah from satan the accursed.
Let’s take a look at some action points from this episode:
- Reflect about important relationships in your life.
- Are the people in these relationships highly agreeable or are they on the low side of agreeableness?
- How about you? What is your agreeableness level in those relationships?
- What is your natural level of agreeableness in these relationships?
- Now that you have learned about this, what would you change or try differently to optimize those relationships?
As we see from the unseen world, we have allies and enemies. The one who has created these allies and enemies, has provided us guidance on how to optimize our lives to benefit from allies and protect ourselves and our loved ones from enemies. Typically, if you are not heedless, you would realize that we indulge in disobeying Allah (swt) thinking or looking forward to some instant gratification or benefit in acquiring worldly resources.
If we were to pause and reflect, we would realize that these are false promises of shaytan. And in engaging in this disobedience we are actually exposing ourselves to harm and loss in different areas. The breakthrough idea is to condition ourselves and be more and more aware of these pitfalls
Finally, if we do fall into a disobedience, then Allah has also given the remedy. And that is sincere repentance and to wipe out our bad deeds by doing good deeds.
Until next time,
CLOSING DUA
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Muslim Mastery Breakthroughs is our weekly podcast series in which we share insights on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationships, and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life in sha Allah.
To check out previous episodes visit Breakthrough Podcast
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