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Seven questions about expectations to
Master your actions and emotions
You are listening to Muslim mastery breakthroughs, a podcast series in which we share insight on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationship and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life Inshallah.
Seven questions about expectations to master your actions and emotions.
The breakthrough idea for this week is that the quality of our expectations can dramatically change our actions and emotions in all areas of our lives and in all relations. This is really amazing. We will give you several examples, evidences and we will end with seven profound questions about your expectations that will give you a deep insight about why you feel and act the way that you do, and what needs to change for the actions and emotions to change.
Bismillah.
We talked about the expectations in several episodes in different context. We have not treated it as one topic up until now, and this is the first episode where we will see how deep, diverse and powerful tool our expectations are, If our success and emotional mastery.
Let’s start with our own expectations from our own self. What do we expect ourselves to be able to achieve? This is a topic we discuss earlier that many people don’t chase their dream because simply they don’t think that they can achieve them. We gave you a breakthrough idea to come out of this episode by sharing how inspiring you are. This is our episode number 2. On the other hands, some people really have unrealistic expectations from themselves, or they may have unrealistic expectations of their love ones and no matter what they do or others do, they can never appreciate, and they always want more and more. How hard it is for such person to be pleased.
This may be a good time to pause the podcast and think about how unrealistic are your own expectations, whether they would be for yourself or for others. How unrealistically low they are, or how unrealistically high they are. Think about it, Self-expectations as well as your expectations from others. Think about the question, do you appreciate people? This is something I’ve talked about it in the last episode as well, when we were talking about lessons from horsemanship, it is very important for us to appreciate others. So go ahead, pause the audio and think about it.
Now let’s think about our expectation regarding opinion of others about us. If someone says that you are not smart enough, you are a slow learner, you don’t know how to do this, you will never learn, you’re not a good husband, you’re not a good wife, you’re not a good mother, not a good father, or you didn’t do anything, etc. what does that means to you? Do you think about how credible and how just the opinion of others are about you? Many times people don’t take a step back to realize how just is that opinion, this lead to them losing self-confidence. Likewise, is someone is sugar coating and praising you, what does that really means. Are you being deceive by false opinions of others? Check out our episode number nine on hiding words and relationships for more on this.
Another point is if someone asks a question in a discussion. it is a criticism or a genuine question to help us? This has a lot to do with our expectation of someone. So look at this, is different when we say expectation of someone versus expectation from someone. So if we imagine if we expect someone to be always criticizing we expect them as a criticizer, we expect them as someone who does not trust us, and someone who is always trying to disrespect us. The way we will handle their comments and questions in our mind will be totally different from if it was to come from a trusted friend. And this always had been in trouble relationships, once people lose their trust and confidence, anything that the other party says is always viewed with a sense of doubt.
So the questions we should think about would be do they value us, do they love us, do they care about us, do they respect us, and so on and so forth. Now this can only be changed by changing your own expectation. We will talk about later whether it is realistic expectation or unrealistic expectation. But the point is same question same comment can be viewed in totally different ways based on our expectations of others.
So think about it. Are you suffering from this? What kind of trust do you have in different relationships .How do you view their questions and comments based on your expectations of others. How would you change that expectation? That would require some conditioning some writing down, some reviewing, some reputation, so on and so forth.
Now same thing can be applied regarding the household rules and discipline. Are they meant to control you? Are they meant to provide a safe and healthy growth environment where everybody is respected, or do you do you not view them like that. Our breakthrough idea is a lot can be changed for more emotional health and satisfaction and quality of your relationship by just doing a reality check on our expectations. If our expectations are away from reality, we are not likely to be going to be happy. When in doubt always error on the positive side and give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.
Look, Allah SWT do advise us in His Book:
“And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy. ”(Quran 17:53)
So Allah instructed us to use words that cannot be interpreted in the wrong way to clarify so on and so forth. But imagine that the other person is not doing that, you can help that person by reshaping their words, by rephrasing their words in say that: “I assume you mean this”, right? “I assume you like to understand”, “I assume you feel this way. Let me explain the situation is not this way, or that way, so on and so forth.
Allah SWT also says: “Take what is given freely, easily,” (Quran 7:199)
Right? So this is about lowering your expectations and increasing your appreciations.Think about how often we do that. Then Allah says enjoy comment other which is good, known good, right? So it is not all burdening people. And then Allah says, at the end of this verse (7:57) turn away from the ignorant, right? So this is similar to what we were saying in the previous episode around getting out of the way. When things are heating up, you do not have to debate all the times. Always think what do I expect from this debate. Sometimes it’s just much better to say: “okay, I understand your point of views and I will think about it thank you”. You do not have to convince other person. You do not have to argue, you do not have to debate. So you have to choose where the debate is necessary, where the discussion is necessary, and where it is simply enough to acknowledge the other person’s point of view. And what is an appropriate time for discussion and debate. You cannot stress enough how important this is to maintain healthy relationships.
So expectations play a big role in our life. Think about it. If you stay up late, expecting to rise up early, and you have been failing at this, then you need may be change tomorrow’s realistic expectations. If you’re always late because you start late and you’re underestimating the time , it will take you to complete the project , or to get to somewhere, then may be it is time for you to change to more realistic expectations.
Now let’s move on to all this spirituality sections. What we would talk about today is our expectations about, expectations from, and expectations of Allah. In the Arabic the word used are One, and also Qadar.
Following the book The Disease and the Cure by Ibn AlQayyum in the chapter of evil thoughts about Allah, or not giving Allah his due right, which he is calling Suothun’Billah. Now this is applicable in a wide variety of situations. First and foremost, is to expect Allah to have taking a son or a daughter to imagine and to expected anyone has any share in the dominion, in the control of Allah. To expect one can get to Allah’s mercy, faster by seeking intermediary, instead of going directly to Him. Or to expect that anyone can save one from Allah without the will of Allah, to expect anyone can bring harm or benefit to us without the will and permission of Allah. And this false expectation, this false estimations lead people to go to grave worship, and to go to righteous people , and trying to please them, and trying to, even excel, and going to extreme of worshiping them , or raising them to a state of status that they do not deserved. And that is violating the rights of Allah SWA.
Next is our expectation about the deen of Allah. Is the deen of Allah to limit us to deprive us of our freedom and enjoyment? Or is it because of the wisdom and for our greater good. Reflect on the discipline. There is in the deen, and flexibility there is: Five prayers, once a month of fasting. Right? Is it there to shun away all entertainment or fun? Or only those have entertainment that is harmful for us. Many people think, you know what will smoke do me? You know, let me just try once, let me just try drug once, let me just try looking in an unappropriated content in relation to newly, just once. And they get hook onto it. Right, they get this pleasure, they get disconnect from their worries, and they keep going back and back to it. It’s very hard for someone who has derived several times, to now quit. So that is why you can see that goals of end of injustice of the religion for our own growth and protection of our society.
Likewise, if hardship falls on us, what our expectations does that mean Allah is not love us? Or does that mean Allah is testing us? And Allah will raise our status by patient. Similarly if good time falls on us, does that mean that we are beloved of Allah, does that mean everyone who has more luxury ownership in this world is beloved with of Allah? Right, so these are all related to realistic and unrealistic, good and bad expectations from Allah.
Likewise, if you do something good for the sake of Allah and other person does not appreciate; does not return your favors; does not return your favors likewise, is not kind to you; is not appreciating you. Does that mean your efforts are going to waste? Another thing is our expectation is about the justice of Allah. Is this all going to end without justice? Will the poor and the rich be equal? will the patient one and the transgressive be equal ?
Allah SWT says in His book: “And We did not create the heaven and the earth and that between them aimlessly. ” That is the false assumption. “That is the assumption of those who disbelieve so woe to those who disbelieve from the Fire.” (Quran 38:27)
And Allah SWA says: “Or should we treat those who believe and do righteous deeds like corrupters in the land? Or should We treat those who fear Allah like the wicked?” (Quran 38:28)
So these questions are encouraging us and guiding us to think and reflect that there is a purpose behind the creation, the one who submit and do righteous deeds, the one who love Allah the most, but not be treated like the one who do not. Is the one who do not pay much attention, and does not give too much regard to the commands and the prohibitions of Allah, and while is left right in Center what are his expectations from Allah. Is it giving Allah his due right, or the one who is negligent of Allah, His right of negligent of hereafter, and just wondering blindly?
Are the one who gives least priority to Allah and it’s much more concerned about how people see him. How does .. and he does not care about how Allah sees him. He is afraid of people but he is not afraid of Allah. Think about it. If someone has an amazingly high standard for creation, right? Regarding the time he wakes up the kids for school, the times he is always on time, and his right away answering certain phone calls, being on time for the meetings, serving foods to children or even to pets, taking them out on a walk, but he is extremely lazy when it comes to prayer times.
All these things have consequences. He keeps chasing the pleasure and approval of the creation. Thinking that this how he will become rich, this is how he will become powerful, this how he will become happy and content. And he forget the one who created contents, the one who created happiness, the one who owns all mighty power and richness. Ok so now you have seen all these examples, ideas, and evidences and taught, let us go to the six questions that we need to be asking ourselves.
- What are our expectations from ourselves? What are our expectations of our abilities?
- what our expectations when it comes to obeying the Creator and when it comes to serving the creation.
- what are our expectations from others? What are our expectations of others? When they say something about us, they comment about us, or they comment something about the way that we do things.
- what are our expectations when great and happy things happen to us, or for us? What are our expectations when painful things happen, do we think that one implies that Allah is happy with us? Is that how we judge the happiness of Allah from us?
- what do we need to expect less and appreciate more?
- what needs to change? What is unrealistic? What is serving against us? Ok?
So with this I will leave you until next time. And don’t forget to comment, don’t forget to send us how you are applying this in your life, and if you find this to be powerful breakthrough content , please do share with your friends.
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Muslim Mastery Breakthroughs is our weekly podcast series in which we share insights on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationships, and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life in sha Allah.
To check out previous episodes visit Breakthrough Podcast
Got questions or comments? Send us an email at breakthroughs at muslimmastery.com