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Three key Elements to Break Away from Addictions & Unwanted Behavior
The three elements that are key to self-help. These are the qualities and abilities that you need to develop and enhance within yourself. Of course, this is not impossible to do and just like everything else this cannot be facilitated if Allah does not facilitate it. No matter which self-help book you read, coaching you take or workshops you go to if you cannot bring these three ingredients , success will be far away. In this episode, we will be discussing these three elements as Imam Ibn AlQayyum Rahimahullah responded to the one who asked him about the cure for one who is addicted to behaviour and knows that it is leading him to destruction but he can’t seem to come out of it.
Bismillah. Wallahumdulillah Wa Salat Al al-Salamu wala rasulullah. This is your breakthrough coach, Zubair.
Many time when you are dealing with people, and trying to enhanced a performance and the achievement and satisfactions in different areas of their life, we notice that there is typically and addiction and unwanted behavior of fears, some sort of enslavement to some desire, or unwanted behavior, or a love of it, extreme love for a person, or something that the person is not able to achieve and that desire, that love with that addiction and that behavior is really causing the person to slow down and not make progress towards their goals.
Now this can be something emotional, something related to weight lost, something related to not making progress in their businesses, or careers, or their education, and so on and so forth. Or something related to a destructive sin that is putting them far away from Allah (subahana watallah).
So the question arise, and this is kind of related with the book that we are also discussing in the book that the disease and the cure in which a questioner asked Iman Ibn AlQayyum Rahimahullah about the situation of someone who is into an addictive behavior, or a destructive behavior, he understand that this is leading to his destruction but he can’t seem to come out of it.
So the first thing that the Iman mention is around the facts that, hey, is there even a cure for that, is there even a solution for that. And again he quote something that we were discussed in our earlier episode, and that is the notion of that, look, any disease that Allah (subahana watallah) has sent down has a cure, right? And this is in the Hadith that we’ve discussed earlier as well. “Allah does not send any disease, but he also sent down a cure for it.” So that is from our mindset perspective, yes, it is possible, so regardless of your situation, regardless of your addiction, regardless of your unwanted behavior, it is possible for you to come out of it, for you to give it up, for you to break out of it.
Then, the Iman mentioned two things, one is the prevention, and the other angle of it is to the approve it. So basically, one is to prevent that sort of unwanted behavior, or addiction, or characteristic, to even forms, even form within you in the place. And the second is if it has formed, if it has taken place, if it has hooked you up, how do you get rid of it?
Before we go into those two ways, or two steps, or directions, something you understand is that, look, it is only easy and possible for someone who Allah (subahana watallah) facilitates for. And the one who is left by Allah to depend on himself, his own intellect, his own activities, his own means, and his own activities will not be successful. And that person will be the loser. So this is why you see the Dua in the Sunnah made by prophet( Sallahu Alayhi Wasalam) would asked Allah, do not let him depend on himself, but to depend on and trust in Allah (subahana watallah) and to rectify our affairs, and reform our affairs. So this is what our Dua should be. This is what our dependent should be. And with that dependent, and that understanding, and that faith, we take action to help us out.
So if I going on side tangent, this is something that, you know, keep saying about that look the Salah, the prayer, is not a time for planning, it is time for asking. So when you are in prayer, you need to understand that, hey, I am not trying to depend on myself, but I am in front of someone, in front of the one who owns everything, who control everything, so let me ask Him for His help, for His facilitation, for His assistants, rather than think about my to do list, or think about my planing, or planning my next steps. So whenever I consider come in prayers, we should understand, go back to Allah (subahana watallah) and ask Him to help us out.
Another way to do that would be to remind ourself before the prayer, that look, I am going to pray, I am going to take time out to pray to the one who control everything, likewise when we get busy, like oh, I don’t have time to pray, we need to remind ourself, look, the one I am praying to, the one I am going into meet in the prayer which is one on one meeting is the one who own and control everything.
Ok, that was a side point, but it is very important to remember that, look, we need to depend on Allah (subahana watallah) and consistently and continually ask Allah (subahana watallah).
So, having said that now, when we take a look at those two ways, one is prevention and then the second one is once it happen how do we respond, how do we approve it, how do we take it out. So let’s talk about the prevention, the first thing that he mention about is the protection of gaze, lowering the gaze. So this is part of the last four episodes that we talk about this four entry points, right? The sights, the thoughts, and so on and so forth, right? And then we’ve talked about minding our steps, and watching out what step we take, and how one step builds up to a thousand of steps, and how a person can be deviate from one steps to the next, and so on and so forth.
Let us talk about this point of lowering your gaze, protecting your sight. This is again from the perspective of prevention, right, and how this sight is a way, and an entry point of a lot of addictions, for a lot of deviations.
So a few episode ago, we talked about the sight in details. Now in this one is reminding us on the benefits and the goods of controlling your sight, and lowering your gaze, and not looking at things that Allah (subahana watallah) has prohibited. And he brings up various benefits in his book. We will be only talking about a few of them from the perspective of keeping it in the scope of this podcast and not to make it too long.
So, now he talks about the first one is that, by doing that, you are carrying out Allah’s command. You are obeying Allah. So whenever you stop looking at things that are unnecessary for to look at, that are prohibited for you to look at, it will bring happiness to you, because you are obeying your Lord. Second thing he talked about is that is to prevent us from poisoning us from Shaytan. The third point he mention is that, Because of that, you will have the blessing of having your heart attach to Allah. So when we let our eyesight go loose, we will make our heart away from Allah, right? so the more we obey Allah, the more we capture and look at things that Allah is please with, the more opportunity and the more blessing we have, than our heart will be connected and attach with Allah (subahana watallah. Than fourthly, he mentioned that we will earn the light of heart. And he mentioned the connection in the Surah Al-noor in which the verse of when the noor comes in, in which Allah (subahana watallah) has mentioned that the noor and then the light of the heart for the believer, and how the verse is preceded by the command to Lord that gives.
That is something interesting to take a look, to go back to the translation of surah noor, and look at the translation of the ayah of noor.
Fifth point he mentions is the “toru frerasa”, right? which can be translated as the ability to distinguish between the truth and falsehood, Is the ability, the gift Allah (subahana watallah) gives to the believers, the insight, the understanding that they are able to see the truth from the falsehood, their heart is directed, their heart is pure, their heart is becomes a compass and is able to detect the truth and the falsehood, right? Which options to take, who to trust, and so on and so forth, right? It’s about clarity, it’s about sharpness, is about the insight, right?
And now, think about this, how does that happen is that, look, the reward of a good deed, is something similar to it, right? So if someone gives that falsehood, that someone gives us what Allah (subahana watallah) is not desire, then Allah (subahana watallah) give them insight, so you don’t look at things that are prohibited and Allah gives you the insight, Allah blesss you with that internal scene, the ability to discern, to understand, to choose from the falsehood. So one who follows the Sunnah in external and the internally aware and cautious of Allah is watching him, and he lower his gaze, and refrain from doubtful matters, Allah will open the gate of knowledge for him, Allah will open the gate of Firasah for him for him, Allah will increase in his faith and so on and so forth. So you close your eyes to haram, and Allah will open up your insight for you.
So next one he mentioned is the bravery of the heart. The izza, the glory, the power, the might, right? And this is something that has mentioned in various places in Quran. Allah (subahana watallah) says:
“The might, the honor belongs to Allah, His messenger and to the believers,” right? This is how Allah brings the victory and might to the believers. So the more you obey to Allah (subahana watallah), the more Izza, the more honor, the more might, the more bravery you will be getting. And likewish in other place such as:
In surah Imran, Allah (subahana watallah) says, not to lose hope, not to get tired, not to grief, because Allah is promising that you will the one who will be victorious, who will be over powering, who will be victorious, if you are believers. And you know, from the point of believe, and Iman, we know that it is included your statement, as well as your actions, the actions of that strong actions, as well as the internal actions, right? So if you have that Iman which is statement and action, you will be the one who will be, the one who will be over powering, and who will has that Iza, and so on and so forth. And Allah (subahana watallah) says, in Surah Fatir:
“For Allah, is the all the mighty and power”
To Allah, you know, that goes up or rise up. The good words, the words of and the, the good actions, the righteous actions, it elevates it.
So think about it, right? Your obedience to Allah (subahana watallah) is connected to your Iza, to you’re your victory, to your glory, to your mights, and so on and so forth.
Now, again we are talking this all in the contents of lowering gaze and not looking at prohibited and haram things, but this is a very general concept. The more obedience, the more compliance you are to Allah’s deen, and Allah’s order, the more might, the more power, the more Iza, the more success, the more victory you have.
Likewise, in the Dua, in which we says, you know Dua of noor: there is no one who can mediate, overpowers the one of Allah takes us ally, right? And no one can basically give power in mind and success to the one that Allah takes as the enemy, so these are some of the benefits of closing the entry point for Shaytan to the heart, right? And that entry point is the sight, you know. It takes different perception, you know, oh, I just take a quick look, just to see what is going on, and just have a look, right? This is how things start. If you are look at person who has an issue, in terms of addictions, in terms of fall into unwanted behavior, they started trying something, right? They just say, let me just try, let me just go in to check it out, let me just go in and try it out, and that is how it starts. And then you get hook on to it.
So the first thing is, to prevent, right? And it’s not to make things constrict, is just basically make your life easy, why give yourself taste of something that will addict you. That will be very hard for you to come out of, and the reason it happened is that we go on to try something, and then we kind of get hook on to this instance gratification, and the hard work and good quality are left alone.
Now, the second angle, the second route is that, you know, after prevention, let’s say, somebody has already fallen into an unwanted behavior. And the sheikh of Iman Rhimanhuallah, he discussed very important points. Says, look, you know, you cannot give up the love of something, unless you have something that you love more, right? So realizing and understanding and contemplating and asking for it that you are, you have a love for beneficial thing and your love for that is much higher than you love for the destructive behavior.
Ok, so you may have addiction, you may be like, for example, you know, fall in love with a person that is impermissible for you, or an addiction, or a behavior that you know, impermissible. Now, that is something you are measuring the desire, for instant gratification, and so on and so forth, ok. Because you fulfill some sort of emotional lead, fulfill some sort of gratification.
Now, if you have a love for something else, ok, that is positive, that is constructive, right, and then you are comparing the look, yes! I desire this thing, but I also desire another thing, right? And if I go after a lowly desire, if I go after my desire of unwanted behavior, I am going to miss out on my main love, my primary love, then that motivate you to not go after your lowly desire. Or on the opposite, the fear of losing something greater, ok, so you may think, ok look, you know, I want to go for this unwanted behavior for whatever reason, for instant gratification, or what have you, ok, but i fear that, if I don’t work on something else, that is constructive thing than I may lose something even greater. And that lost is going to be much more painful than for me to give up this unwanted behavior. Ok?
So imaging this alright, let’s take some examples, so, let’s say, you know, if somebody is, you know, addicted to a very common issue pornography, right? They addicted to taking a look at it and going back to, you know, indecent movies and phones, or pictures on internet, ok, now this is something that give them this instance gratification, you know, this instant rush of blood, and all that sort of that happens, right? And they get this instant gratification, and emotional experience, and so on and so forth, right? But then what happened is after that, usually, they are so tired, they go on this guilt trip, and then they go on all these routes, and then they are not able to function properly, they are able to pursue their goals, ok? We are not even talking about the love of Allah (subahana watallah) which is the extreme pure love; we will talk about it in the next few episodes.
Even is from the Dunya perspective, right? Now that person, because I know, for example, I’ve talked to some university students, I know they had been like failing, and really really doing poorly in their exams, in studies, so on and so forth, right? that person can template, look, I have this possibly in earning this degree, and you know graduating in than doing all these great work that I want to do from my family, from myself, so on and so forth, but this behavior is kind of preventing me from even graduating, I might drop out the university, I might still have all the student loan, right? Look, I have two options, either I quit this behavior, but don’t put this behavior and related to my failure in the university, right? That becomes the bigger fear of not quitting the university, right? or, the love for all the possibilities of completely, you know, for completely success in the university, getting a good job, getting a good career, and so on and so forth, and actually having a positive view, meaningful and good solid emotional connection with real people as it suppose going on, watching things on my digital screen, right, so that could be example of it, right?
Obviously a very pure example would be for someone to realize who Allah (subahana watallah) is, and to realize the love of Allah (subahana watallah), and the possibilities that exist with Allah (subahana watallah), such as the Izza, the glory, the might, the victory, the Jannat, the paradise, and all these things, right? That will be the ultimate things, but even as in middles stage if the person realizes what is on a stake, because of their unwanted behavior they may have the motivation to realize and quit the unwanted behavior. So first thing is to theoretically really realize and internalize is that, there some bigger that they are missing out on. So that’s the first element, is the realization of what are they missing out because of their unwanted behavior, ok? And what is possible for them to achieve if they were to leave that unwanted behavior.
Now if I were to take a pause here I like you to go back and think about how we started this podcast series. The first three episodes, right? The first episode we have you worked out a plan on what is possible for you to achieve in this life. We talked about the stronger identity like what are you about to achieve if you take on that stronger identity, right? And we help you to write down your things, and your plans, and your dreams so that you can have a greater goal, so that you can realize that because of some of your unwanted behavior, and your negative activities, and your negative energy, and your laziness, or you’re not putting in your full hundred percent, or your fears, or whatever is around that is preventing you, what is at stakes? What are you able to achieve? What are your true dreams? What are you able to do, right? So if you have not done that, I recommended you go back to episode number one of this podcast, or if you’ve done it, it would still be a good idea to review it. To review you stronger identity and see if you are following that, how much are you complying with that stronger identity that you wrote down. How far, how much progress you’ve made towards your goals. And what needs to change in that definition. Maybe over times or the last two quarter you’ve decided, you’ve realize that here is some behavior needs to change. Maybe you need to change a bit on your identity, maybe you need to change a bit on your behavior, or on your mindset, maybe you need to change a bit on your dreams, maybe you now have realized that much higher goals are possible, much higher things are possible, and you can have extra ambitions.
So from the three ingredients, the first one now is to realize that what is there for you to love more, and the ability to understand what is more powerful, what is more constructive and what is more destructive. So that you will be able to see what you’re losing because of you unwanted behavior. Now once you have that realization, you’ll still need two more ingredients for you to be successful. The first one is the will power, ok? Now, this is again going back into the first episode, you have to have that will power to behave like that stronger identity, that stronger you, right? And to behave like that, that would require will power, and not to go back on your unwanted behavior. We’ve talked about it in detail in the first two, three episodes, about how you behave in terms of when you go to bed, how you go to bed, what you think about, what kind of thoughts you downloads, what kind of thoughts did you prevent. A lot of it have been talked about it in different episode, ok?
Now second thing is, that is super important, and that is one of the key things that really missed out on people that I’m working with, and that is the importance of patient. Things will not happen overnight. You have to be patient, you have to be consistent. We have been talking about it again and again. You have to consistently take one step at a time, you have to understand one step is needed to for a thousand steps journey, and so on and so forth. You have to be patient. You have to be patient when making dua, you have to be consistent when making dua, right? And these are thing Allah (subahana watallah) mention in Surat Sajjad and He says:
“We made them leaders”
They are guiding people by the command, why? What are the two qualities that they have?
When they are patient
And they firmly believed in the ayats and in the verses that were prove, and evidence, and promise, and so on and so forth.
And this is something Allah (subahana watallah) says:
“O you who have believed,”
“Seek help”
“With patient and with prayers”
So look we have given you this model, you know? Is this something that our scholars, our ulamah, the people of the deen have written down books and books have talked about it. That the point is for us to work hard to bring in these characteristic, and patients, and hard work, and will power, and you will see the change.
So as a quick summary, look that it is possible, number one depend on Allah, ask Allah. Secondly, prevent it from happening, you know prevent it from happening, or prevent it from worsening. So for example, somebody has an addiction, instant addiction that they keep doing it, and they keep giving themselves more and more of it, and things become more and more worst, right? They become worst, right? And this is something for us to realize. And second thing is if it has happened, should realize that what else can we be achieving, what else are we losing, what’s more important for us, and then do you have that will power, and the patient to go and get it. May Allah (subahana watallah) facilitated it for us. Oh Allah, rectify and reform our affairs and do not make us depend on ourselves for the blink of an eye.
Subhanakallahumma wa bihamdika, ash hadu anlaa ilaaha illa anta, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilaik.
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Muslim Mastery Breakthroughs is our weekly podcast series in which we share insights on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationships, and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life in sha Allah.
To check out previous episodes visit Breakthrough Podcast
Got questions or comments? Send us an email at breakthroughs at muslimmastery.com