Bismillah. Alhumdulillah. Wa Salat Al al-Salam wa rasulullah. This is your breakthrough coach, Zubair Ashraf.
You can access the video series here.
Successful people don’t only focus on what to do, but when to do. Whether it be strengthening relationships, avoiding conflict, performance training, studying, thinking about creative ideas, scheduling important meetings;
it’s all about timing.
We will share some key observations around how timing plays a key role between a breakup and a thriving relationship.
One of the common themes that I have noticed when coaching couples to strengthen their relationship is that they would have a conflict around some sort of situation. A different approach to handling a situation or a difference of opinion about future direction. This would become a cause of tension. A cause of conflict and there would not be any easy solution to it. What would end up happening, is that the couple would start discussing or even arguing about this issue whenever they have spare time.
What this results in is trying to avoid each other and trying to spend time outside with a friend or sometimes even at work. This does not solve the issue. They don’t get any time together to strengthen their bond and to grow their love and trust. A simple intervention technique that can be used in this situation is to help them realize their bond, love, and trust. This will help them to, in turn, find ways to resolve the conflict, in a way that will be a win win situation for both of them. Or one of them may realize that ‘Hey, considering the love and passion that we have, it’s not important for me to fight for this. Or they may find a compromise, a middle path.
The point is that if you noticed, even in the corporate world, a lot of emphasis is put on team building activities. The more trust the team members have among each other, the more that they realize they are there to help each other succeed, the better results the team would have, over all
The same concept can also be applied between a parent and a child. Or among the colleagues. One extreme, which we saw just now, is that the couple would start arguing at every opportunity that they may have. At the other extreme, we have people that would avoid checking in altogether. They would not have time to check in with each other and to see how the other person is feeling.
How loved.
How respected.
How cared for are they feeling.
How much is the relationship growing?
What are the causes for the spouse feeling in that manner?
What can be done to improve that?
A really effective technique is to have them schedule some time for a one on one to understand each other. And remember, a very important caveat here, is that when you are talking, LISTEN.
Listen to how the other person is feeling. It is not about justifying whether that feeling is right or wrong. It’s about understanding how the person is feeling and why they are feeling that way. In reading that feeling, and measuring them and looking at ways to improve that situation will dramatically imporve the relationship.
You know what, just go ahead and give this a try and let us know how it goes for you.
Coming to the second part of our episode, as always, we would like to take a look at the spiritual section as well. Last time we were talking about a very powerful tool or a very powerful action or a very powerful weapon that we have that an help us achieve our goals and to avoid obstacles or to remove obstacles.
That is none other than the act of
dua.
The act of asking Allah, the Lord of everything that exists. WIthout whose permission no harm or benefit can reach us. In our last episode we discussed how certain actions severely weaken the power of dua. This time, we want to sjare how certain times can make our dua much more powerful and effective.
Remember, it’s all about timing.
As we recall that Allah is al-Hakim. Meaning he is perfectly and completely wise. WHich means that every decree, every choice of Allah, is not a random thing but it’s based on his complete wisdom. We may not be able to fully encompass his wisdom, but as we reflect on some of the times that Allah has promised for the acceptance of dua, for the acceptance for our call and our call for help to him, we realize there is a benefit behind it.
He is training us, he’s encouraging us to engage in the remembrance of Allah at specific times,
This in turn, trains us to have a routine in which we are specifically engaging in the remembrance of Allah at certain times of the day and certain times of the night.
We will also see that it gives us a very healthy routine as well. And more importantly, as we engage in the remembrance of Allah, at those specific times, we get closer and closer to Allah. We increase in the love of Allah and Allah loves us in return.
This is the most amazing thing that one can attain in this world. And it’s side benefit is, to have our duas accepted. Some of these times are:
- The last third of the night
- Between athan and iqamah
- After the obligatory prayers
- Dua while fasting and
- While breaking the fast
If you were to reflect on those things and those timings and you would realize that, imagine if you really really wanted your dua to be accepted and you wanted to get into a routing of waking up at the last third of night and engaging in prayers,
That is the time when your mind is fresh and relatively away from the worldly concerns.
You would engage in the remembrance of Allah that would not only help him or achieve and get his dua accepted but will also in preparing for one of the most important things that we can do during the day. And that is the five daily prayers. If you are waiting for a prayer and you are engaging ind dua and remembrance of Allah, that would always have an effect on the quality of the prayers that you would perform.
After the obligatory prayers. Imagine you had a concern that you were looking forward to asking Allah after the obligatory prayers would your obligatory prayers not be more focused?
Obviously dua while fasting would help you increase the quality of your fast and be more aware of Allah (swt) and remembering Allah (swt) while breaking your fast and asking your duas as well. Along with the trimmings, if one focuses on Allah by praising him, asking for forgiveness, sending salutations on the messenger of Allah expressing ones need and dependence on Allah, these things would bring the sergeant closer to Allah and increase the effectiveness of dua.
Each of these has an amazingly powerful effect on ones growth. Ones mindset, habits and perspective of life. One realizes who Allah truly is, who the servant truly is and the reality of this world.
Let’s recap the action items from this episode.
TIMING
- It is very important to see how frequently you engage in conflicting discussions and arguments with your spouse. Or how frequently you avoid having a discussion at all.
- Making use of blessed and to engage in remembrance of Allah in those times and asking Allah for our needs.
- Being present and mindful when making dua.
- Learning that names and attributes of Allah and their meanings.
- Learning how the Prophet of Allah used to invoke Allah and used to combine various names and attributes let Allah along with specific dua
Of course, dua can be made at any time. And the more dependent you are on Allah (set) the higher the chances of acceptance. But what we are talking about here is mastery. We are trying to share some of the very effective times. Some of the very productive and blessed times that you and I can engage in dua.
In Shaa Allah, next week we will touch on one very important issue. That is the issue of depression and anxiety. It is really hurting many of us. We’ll discuss some key remedies for it.
Until next time…
Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ‘ash-hadu ‘an laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa ‘Anta, ‘astaghfiruka wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayka
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To check out previous episodes visit Breakthrough Podcast
Got questions or comments? Send us an email at breakthroughs at muslimmastery.com
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